The Dailies from my Journey: Part 3

Drawn for me by Wyatt

I have keeping people informed on Face Book while going through this journey.  Here are the postings I gave, from the time I was able to get to my computer after the surgery:  It’s long, and I hope not too hard to navigate.  I tried to do my best to separate things but when I hit preview it jumbles it all together.  So, if it looks too long, scroll through and check out the pictures 🙂

Thank you to all of you for your prayers. I need them now more than ever. Some of the test results came back as cancer. My prayer is that God takes it away. That this is curable. I have so many mixed emotions right now. Thank you everyone  February 17 at 8:20pm ·

I will NOT take this lying down. There will be no more shoes to drop because I’m living life barefoot! I have already begun telling these spots that we know they are there, they’ve had their day in the sun, and now it’s time for them to start shrinking and disappearing. God gave us an instinct to WANT to live, and I am going to hang on for all it has. God is my main line of defense so please any time any of you want to put a groan only the Holy Spirit can understand know that I personally thank you! February 17 at 9:57pm

From Lindsay

I had a visit with my primary doctor today. She showed me where my cancer was. I have one spot on my lung, it never showed up on regular x-rays because it was hidden by my heart and my spine. I have another one on my left hip, and about 3 or 4 on my lower spine. As well as 2 on my skull. I didn’t want to see them, but she said that the more I see them, the less I will fear them and I will be able to not go under such stress. I did get meds for those instant panic attacks that will come. I see the oncologist on the 27th of this month and I will know more. Pray with me that this can be cured. I am going to fight with all that I have. I have been put on a total vegan diet. Which is fine with me. For those bringing meals, don’t worry … I just won’t eat the meat!! 🙂 I love all of you for praying for me and for standing with me during this time! ♥ If it weren’t for my eye issue, I would have never found this out until it was too late.

February 21 at 8:12pm ·

From Maegan and Lindsay

This morning, 20 drops of mushroom extract, 4 ounces of Green Goo that tastes pretty good!! Then for the main course … Hot green tea with strawberries and basil blended together. Makes for a nice warm morning drink. Used xylitol don’t use sugar here. But I will remember that for when I eat oatmeal. It’s the only time I use processed sugar so …. no more sugar on oatmeal! I feel good because I have a game plan. I can start now, I can be pro active. Oh, and my vitamins, can’t forget those … mega doses of Vit C. What my body won’t use it gets rid of, making sure it has plenty!! Good Morning Everyone …. I love you ALL … Remember to tell people you love them!! February 22 at 9:39am ·

From Gabby

I know I’m covered in prayer because there’s no way I’d feel this good without it!! February 22 at 4:36pm

From Gianni

I’m cold, it’s been happening lately. So I’m going to go snuggle up in bed with my blue ray, Mr. Shivers and watch some Red Dwarf ….. Maybe I can get Wyatt to join me!! ♥ talk to you guys later!! Too bad you’re not here Bridgette we could have a Red Dwarf Day! February 23 at 9:15am

Mr. Shivers

So nervous about tomorrow I could spit. So, instead of spitting, I’ve decided to sleep on the couch with the TV on all night. Animal Planet here I come … Or if it’s that River Monsters or Infested show, I’ll be watching something else. Wii has netflix on it so who knows. Either way … something is going to over ride my brain tonight. February 26 at 10:15pm ·
Well, no news today. They called this morning and canceled my appt. Steve is seriously upset because he took the day off work, and because we have to wait longer to find out what type of cancer this is. He’s tired of seeing me on this roller coaster. I’ve called my primary doctor and put in a request to see an oncologist in Riverside. So, now we play the wait game. GRRRRR But oh well …  February 27 at 8:13am ·

Juicer my Mother bought for me

Maybe this cancellation was for the best. Maybe this isn’t the doctor the LORD wants me to see for a long period of time. I’m still waiting to hear from my primary doctor. I know she will get hold of me because she’s awesome like that!! I’d much rather have everything be in Riverside than Fontana anyway. Especially with the gas prices. I was seriously angry but I’m over it. I don’t want to hang on to anger, it isn’t good for me February 27 at 12:18pm

My doctors office called, told the on call nurse what transpired this morning. She’s calling my doctor and will call me back. I might not be able to get an appt. until tomorrow, but at least it will be in Riverside. I like my primary doctor so much. She truly cares about her patients, and so does her staff. February 27 at 12:37pm ·
PRAISE GOD …. RAIN!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE RAIN! THANK YOU!!!!!! February 27 at 3:03pm ·

Blanket from Bridgette and Mal

I just received a call from the office. She has put in a referral for me to see the oncologist in Riverside and has told me to call the appt office and have it expedited. They can look up and see that a referral was sent and then make the appt. YAY!!! February 28 at 10:29am

Okay here’s the deal. My doctor called in the referral yesterday. I called the appt office and the referral has to make it to the oncologist which it will today and that doctor will review it. I can call tomorrow afternoon and schedule my appt. I am very happy about this. Not only do I get to go to Riverside, but I can make my appt tomorrow. I pray that they can get me in soon. Until then, I have time to help get my body ready for what lies ahead. Thank you Yeshua!!  February 28 at 10:48am
Oncologist called and my new appt. is for Monday at 1:20 in Riverside. I’m excited because I know this one won’t be canceled!!                          February 28 at 1:39pm

Doing better. Last night my hips hurt a lot but this am they are toned down. I did get up and feed myself again. This morning I had one of your whole wheat tortillas with roasted red, yellow, and orange pepper, and garlic hummus that I made. With spicy and clover sprouts with mushroom on top. Very good!! After this I’m going to drink my green goo and some carrot juice. March 1 at 9:49am

DVD’s from Keisha, Picture from Juile, Book and Slippers from Kristi just a few of the wonderful gifts I received.

Well, the news from the oncologist is this: I have about 6 months to a year to live IF I don’t do anything at all. So, I’m going to be starting chemo soon. Most likely by the end of the week I will have my appt made. They are going to do 3 rounds of chemo. Once every three weeks. In two months I go back to the oncologist and he will do another CT Scan to see how much they have shrunk. He has also ordered a couple of tests to be done on the biopsy that was taken while I was in the hospital. It has a possibility of coming back positive for one or the other type of cancer or negative for both. If it is positive for either one that he is testing for, they have some new drugs out that can fight the cancer with just pills. But we won’t know the results of that for a few weeks, so we are starting chemo while we wait for the test results to come back.  March 5 at 3:37pm
Today I received a call from oncology and I have to go to the hospital have blood work done, pick up meds and a dvd and have a B-12 shot. Chemo will start Friday March 16th.  March 6 at 11:07am

Wait!! I Changed My Mind!!! A picture of my purple mowhawk!!

I will not give up. I have a plan, and that is to be here 20 years from now or more. I’m doing all I can with diet, and the doctors will do what they can with chemo. I know some of  you don’t believe, but I do and I know that God has the final say and I feel he’s going to heal me. That’s what I have always felt, I don’t feel like I’m not going to make it. I hope that feeling remains with me through out all this!! March 6 at 5:09pm

UGH, my body hurts all over. Well mostly my left arm … stupid arm. It’s always getting in the way. haha anyway, good night guys gonna go med up and go to bed. · March 7 at 8:54pm
Staving off a panic attack, and going on a field trip. Carolyn is taking us. I’m glad cause I can’t drive while on my panic attack meds. It seems the closer chemo gets the more unwanted panic attacks are happening. Luckily Bridgette told me what they feel like when they begin and I’m taking my medication as soon as I feel it coming on. I’m not thinking about it, it’s just happening.

Bridgette, my Daughter

Enjoyed a wonderful Shabbat today. Jim Rickard was too funny I loved hearing him read Esther … awwww! Alex, Bridgette and Malcolm came out and enjoyed Purim with us. Malcolm had so much fun making noise and yelling BOO every time Haman’s name was said! Oneg was wonderful. I had such a good time talking with Bridgette and Alex and Aaron. They were cracking me up!! And “My Little Flower In the Field” talked with me and we shared with each other thoughts and feelings. Thank you Marsha, you are indeed a treasure! March 10 at 6:01pm
I waited patiently for ADONAI to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to ADONAI.
Many will see what he has done and be astounded.
They will put their trust in ADONAI. Psalm 40:1-3
I fully trust that I will be healed. Many will be astounded, all GLORY belongs to the GREAT PHYSICIAN YHVH, ADONAI, YESHUA. Thank you!!!  March 14 at 9:29am

Thank you, prayer is powerful. Yeshua said go and heal …. I ask for healing. Total and complete. I ask to be yet another of his mighty miracles. For only HE can do the impossible. March 14 at 11:02am ·

What’s on my mind. Well, I’m looking forward to Bible Study tonight. It will be my last adventure for quite a while. I’ll listen and sing to worship music. I’ve taken my chemo prep meds this morning thanks to my other brain, I’ll call it Wyatt haha. And now I have dogs to wash because they will need baths before all this starts. Koda and Chana will be getting hair cuts. Nuvers, Mr. Shivers and Angel will get baths. I promise to not show up to Bible study smelling like a wet dog HAHAHA!! March 15 at 10:24am

Wyatt, my other brain

Chemo Therapy starts today at 1:30 pm. I am ready to go, I’m ready to get this part of the show on the road. I won’t like the after effects, but I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do. I AM doing what I believe the LORD is telling me to do. I know that HE ALONE is going to heal me. I am eating right, resting when I need to and keeping in constant contact with him. He is never off my mind. I have an army praying for me, seriously people in the US Army are praying for me, but that’s not all my Family is praying for me, my FICH group is praying for me, Many different churches are praying for me. My Beth Simcha family is praying for me, people from New Wine are praying for me. Friends from afar are praying for me. It is awesome to feel the Peace that Passes ALL Understanding that only comes from ADONAI, the LORD!! Thank you everyone! Wyatt will come on now and then to give updates when I can’t make it to the computer. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! March 16 at 8:02am ·

From Casey

Queasy a little nauseousness but no throwing up. At least not yet, maybe because of only having one treatment. Achy and feet are cold and headache but that’s about it so far. Apparently I’m having 6 treatments, I thought it was only 3 but oh well. I will do what I have to do. Between GOD, diet and the doctors I will be healed. March 17 at 7:30pm

What’s on my mind? Seriously? Tumors hahahahahahahahahaha  March 21 at 6:35pm ·

If I can’t laugh about it then I’m going to cry about it. I’d rather laugh because laughter is the best medicine. I guess you’d have to be me or know me real well to know that it certainly IS something to laugh about!  I have tumors on my brain. Two of them. People with cancer NEED to find humor in their situation. If I have no humor then I will wither away and die and I’m not in the mind set to do that. March 21 at 6:49pm

Steve and Paimbia

Doctors can’t heal me, eating the right way won’t heal me. It will help me. ONLY GOD CAN HEAL ME … and I trust HIM that He will do it!! I don’t know when, all I know is that HE WILL!! ♥ Thank you LORD!! March 23 at 9:35pm

“What Cancer Cannot Do”

Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     March 24 at 6:14pm
God’s covenants are unbreakable. All God’s promises will be fulfilled. We are saved, not by a philosophical agreement, but by a covenantal commitment. The covenant is offered to us by grace. Our faith is a partnership with God in a covenant agreement that cannot be broken.         March 25 at 7:23am
Text sent to me by a wonderful friend. He’s been sending me Bible verses just about every other day.
“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you rejoice!”
Thanks Mike, something very profound and it is something I strive for! March 27 at 12:16pm

Worshiping with Wyatt during Purim

Rabbi Larry someone who touched all who met him is now living in Heaven. We will miss him. Sukkot won’t be the same without him. Cancer took his life, he was one who beat the odds and lived longer than the doctors said he would. Now his life truly begins!! ♥ ♥ ♥  April 4 at 9:25am

Rabbi Larry during Sukkot Campout

Aches and pains everywhere. I don’t like this because it makes me wonder if it’s spreading further, or just the same stuff making me uncomfortable. I hope for the latter of course. *sigh* cancer sucks! April 4 at 11:27pm
Chemo is starting. Lookin good, in 3 hours I might not LOL

Infusion Center April 6 at 2:56pm

White cell count is low. Have to give myself shots for the next 5 days, then have blood drawn to see if I need to continue. April 6 at 5:42pm
Chemo Face it makes my whole face turn red.

Red Chemo Face April 6 at 6:55pm

I feel tired, body aches, arm hurts, face is lit up like a torch but hey it makes my eyes look super green!! haha I keep finding hairs in everything. I wish it would just all fall out instead of coming out in single or triple hairs at a time! The yuck part will be when I have to start giving myself shots. EWWWWWWWWWW April 6 at 9:15pm
Well, last year’s Passover dinner was nice. I thought to myself, next year it will be better. Yet last year I didn’t expect to have cancer and be going through Chemo. So our first night of Passover was not what it should have been. I was not feeling well at all. Stayed on the couch. We basically ate what we were supposed to, and that’s about it. Hopefully tonight will be better. Looking forward to Sunday evening when we have our Congregational Seder, then I think it will truly start to feel like Passover. I just keep forgetting what to do. My mind is blank. Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Passover and First Fruits season. And for those who celebrate Easter … enjoy yourselves!! And Yes I do celebrate our Messiah’s Resurrection, just not in an Easter fashion.

April 7 at 9:03am

Service was wonderful today. I enjoyed the message, the music and the fellowship. I truly enjoy Beth Simcha. I think everyone should go there just once, it’s an experience you’ll never regret or forget!!  April 7 at 4:04pm
Congregational Passover Seder was a lot of fun. I actually got up and danced. I wasn’t going to sit on the side lines this time. I don’t know how many Seders I will be able to attend so while I can, I’m going to dance. I just won’t twirl LOL! (vertigo won’t let me) April 8 at 9:40pm

Steve and Paimbia at Seder

UGH, these shots are no fun at all. Giving them isn’t the bad part, it’s the stupid side effects. OUCH OUCH OUCH Whine Whine Whine Complain Complain Complain …. okay I’m being a big baby …. but still OUCH  April 9 at 12:22pm
Okay so here I am 1am feeling like I’m gonna hurl. So to take my mind off it I decide to do a word search. Guess what word I have to find? Yup, believe it or not the word was …. puking LOL April 11 at 1:02am
WBC went down, even with the shots. So I have to take the last two and be checked again before my next chemo treatment. April 12 at 2:54pm

It was at 4.6 when I started taking the shots, and now it’s at 3.9. It means that I can get sick easier. Your body needs white blood cells to fight infection. So, I take my next two shots and then I will be rechecked on April 26th. Then when I head for more chemo on the 27th they will tell me if I need more shots and if they need to up the dose. Ugh, I pray I will be just fine. It’s weird the chemo itself isn’t getting to me, except for the frustrating part of my hair in everything, including my toothbrush this morning … ewwww (so I’m shaving my head) it’s these blasted shots that bug me. Go figure! Oh well I will do what I need to do. Pray because Prayer Changes Things! April 12 at 3:19pm

Coughing a lot today. Chest hurts now and then. Otherwise I’m doing okay. Not giving up, I will be healed. I fully believe that! Regardless what my body is doing!!! Cancer can Bite Me!!! Oh wait I think it did. …. um okay then … Cancer can take a long walk off a short pier!! April 13 at 8:24pm
I was tired of having hair in my bed, on my toothbrush and in my food. So, I decided to just let it go. My wonderful husband decided he would join me. Also … my mother joined me too. I have an awesome husband and an awesome mother!!!  April 14 at 8:10pm
What’s the point of having cancer if you can’t have fun with it?                                                                                                                                                       My Granddaughter Wensdae wanted to give me a purple mowhawk before I cut it all off.  Heck why not?  It was fun!!

Purple Mowhawk compliments of Wensdae

April 14 at 10:49pm

This is Malcolm and I, I wish Keisha could have been here. She’s going through the same thing and doesn’t feel good this round. I would love to have all the grandkids in a picture like this.

Grammama and Malcolm

April 15 at 9:45am

My Awesome Mother. Wow I look just like her!   She told me on the phone ” You’re NOT in this alone, I am cutting my hair too!” She will be 86 on 5/13/2012  She’s an awesome woman!!

My Awesome Mother

Crystal, my niece had me listen to this song “I’m gonna love you through it” by Martina McBride, this was my reply:

Steve and I listened to this together and we both sat there and cried. I realized that part way through the song I became a tad bit jealous because she was able to get rid of her cancer and I can’t get rid of mine. That is when it hit that I truly am relying on God to take this from me. Thank you for this song I love you! April 15 at 10:14am

I don’t like it when my mind decides to mull over the what ifs. I know I need to be realistic but not when it happens all night long. Crimanetly let me sleep and I’ll mull later! April 16 at 9:44am
My Mother and I

Paimbia (me) and my Mother

Well, this evening was a break down evening. Took a walk with Steve and Wyatt and cried like a baby. But I’m fine now. Health wise, I’m doing pretty good. My next chemo is this coming Friday. I just hope they schedule another scan soon to see if this is doing any good. Then maybe I’ll relax a bit. Or at least know what action I will take next.April 24 at 11:49pm
Chemo went okay today. I’m back on the shots again. Start tomorrow and go for 7 days. Apparently I will be doing this after each treatment, hopefully this round will be better than the last. At least I’m prepared for what’s going to happen. One good thinng is that I don’t have to have a blood test after this round, I just have the one before my next treatment to do. Next treatment is May 18th. April 27 at 6:07pm
Putting God into a convient little box to suit your needs does not negate who he is. It does not negate scripture. If it weren’t for that scripture (the Bible) people are trying to do away with NO ONE would know who GOD is. Kind of silly to toss out the foundation while claiming to believe in him May 1 at 1:18pm
Having a contrast CT scan today at 2:30 won’t know the results until I see the oncologist Monday morning. Been up since 3am ugh don’t like being nervous over things I cannot change. May 3 at 5:31am
IV in the wrist didn’t work. Shish, had to use other arm, at least that one worked. Iodine BURNS just in case anyone was wondering. And when I say burns, I mean it burns the whole body. Barf…. Not fun.

IV swelling   May 3 at 6:32pm

Today the swelling is pretty much gone, just bruising which is par for the course. 🙂

IV Bruise     May 4th at 9:52am

I need a teenager to teach me how to take pictures of myself. Haha, anyway Shabbat Shalom everyone!

Paimbia   May 5th at 9:14am

Well, this was long, and for those who hate long thing’s I’m sorry.  It was the quickest way I could use to give a hint of what it was like from day to day.  I did have my moments of tears, but I tried to keep those few and far between because the energy I wanted to give my body needed to come from laughter, and reading and studying God’s word.  I do know that there is a time to cry and I gave myself time to do that.  What I didn’t want to do was give myself time to wallow with in my own fears. Oh I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, it sure does.  But with God’s help and Peace, it wasn’t a daily thing!


2 thoughts on “The Dailies from my Journey: Part 3

  1. I think it was great! Long is good if you’ve got a nice cup of coffee and a comfy chair. 🙂

    Love you Pammy. 🙂

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