Thoughts that creep in,

I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, sit down and there is that looming thought. Oh yeah that’s right, I have cancer.
I wake up in the morning and realize there is no start to my day. Get out of bed, for what? To have your thought’s tell you one more time … oh yeah that’s right, you have cancer.
I look at old pictures and wonder, was I healthy then? What could I have done to stop this from taking over my whole body?
I want to run away as far and as fast as I can, but it won’t do any good because it’s there with me.
If I have shortness of breath, fear creeps in. If my legs hurt, fear creeps in. If it hurts to bend over or twist my spine, fear creeps in. I’m tired of living a constant reminder, I’m tired of living in fear.
People tell me “you are so strong” I wish I was as strong as they think I am.
When other people are around I get to forget, because I hear their conversations, I can become a part of something that has nothing to do with what I am going through. I am able to push those thoughts away, to the background somewhere. They can come and haunt me later. The hard part is not having anyone around, people have their own lives to live. Who on earth wants to babysit someone like me, hahaha no one. No one wants to be around someone going through what I am because it’s a constant reminder of their own mortality. I feel sorry for Wyatt and Steve because they have to live it daily.
I wish God would just heal me, CANCER SUCKS!!!


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